By Ray LeMoine

We never really liked those banker dudes anyways…

A lot of hype about the market crash’s effects on nightlife have been spewing forth. Mainly, people are saying that without jr i-bankers the bottle service model—where nightclubs only let in those who buy $600 tables—will die, and with it New York nightlife as we know it. A few corny clubs (Myst, Prime—both of which I’ve never even heard of) have announced they’ll no longer require a bottle service for entry.

In order to gauge the effect of the market crash on nightlife, I stopped by The Box, Beatrice, Hotel Delmano, and Apothke over the past few days. Guess who’s gone missing (to some extent)? Dickheads with cop haircuts in suit-vests and ties. And now, guess who’s still out? Yup, hot chicks. From what I saw, The Great Manhunt of 2008 has never been more fierce, and if anything, more girls than ever are on the scene.

So the end of investment banking means more girls for anyone not in banking. It also means a few of the lamer clubs will become more like your Tunnels and Twilos of yesteryear, where all you need to get in is a cover charge. But NY’s economy is diverse enough to sustain a handful of premium clubs—The Boxes, 1Oaks, Marquees, Beatrices, SubMercers.

See, unlike the 30s, when America was a third-rate power, we now have the most diverse economy in world history. After we won the war against Germany and Japan, we wound up with a third of the world’s wealth. With our newfound, unprecedented $$$, we made a deal to rebuilding Europe and Japan. Included in that deal was a clause stating that US culture and product gets unrestricted access to these markets. This gave the US the chance to build a large “creative economy.”

Despite the market crash, NY’s creative class remains in tact. Industries like television and fashion have never had more cash. Even Hollywood is having a decent year, with Batman grossing a billion worldwide. Live music is played in NY more than ever (motherf–king My Bloody Valentine are playing tonight for heck’s sake). Advertising is still based here. The art world hasn’t slowed much (see: Hirst, Damien).

All this makes me believe that New York will survive this “greatest collapse since the Great Depression” without shanty towns on the East River. People are right to be worried about the nationalization of a trillion in Wall St assets, but the IRS, another huge federal agency, runs just fine.

Fear not, party folk. As a bunch of entitled sociopaths (and last week’s short-selling was sociopathy) with Roman numerals at the end of their names downsize, the rest of us can enjoy one aspect our victory against the Nazis wrought: the rise of the American creative class.